175 Lawyer Puns That Will Have You in Contempt of Laughter

Diving into the legal side of laughter, lawyer humor is no brief matter. It’s about finding the funny in the formal, the jest in the justice.

Ever heard about the lawyer who tried to sue a sandwich? He found it sub-standard! That’s the spirit of lawyer puns – turning courtroom drama into comedic gold.

Why Lawyer Puns Are Guilty of Being Hilarious

1. 1. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity laws. It’s impossible to put down.
2. 2. If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.
3. 3. Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.
4. 4. Have you heard about the new lawyer drama? It’s called “Suits & Ladders.”
5. 5. Lawyers are excellent musicians because they are always noting the fine print!
6. 6. Why do lawyers always carry a pencil? In case they need to draw a brief.
7. 7. I wanted to be a lawyer, but I couldn’t pass the bar. It had nothing to do with exams, I just couldn’t resist going in!
8. 8. How do you tell if a lawyer is lying? Other lawyers look interested.
9. 9. Why don’t lawyers believe in gravity? Because the law is always up in the air.
10. 10. Why did the lawyer show up in court in his pajamas? He was hoping for a sleeper case.
11. 11. What do you call an honest lawyer? An impossibility.
12. 12. Why do lawyers always seem to smile during trials? Because they think of their fees.
13. 13. How many lawyer jokes are there, actually? Only three. The rest are true stories.
14. 14. Why do lawyers carry briefcases? Because garbage bags would be too obvious.
15. 15. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
16. 16. Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before the trial? Looking for a good precedent.
17. 17. What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A doberman.
18. 18. Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to become a baker? He couldn’t make enough dough.
19. 19. Why do sharks not attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
20. 20. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
21. 21. I don’t think I can ever become a lawyer. I was told I don’t have the right convictions.
22. 22. Why was the legal book accused of treason? It contained too many loopholes.
23. 23. Why do vampires make terrible lawyers? Because they are always avoiding the stakes.
24. 24. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.
25. 25. If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away, perfect for those private legal consultations!

Breaking Down the Courtroom: A Guide to Legal Jokes

1. Why don’t lawyers hide in the shadows? Because they always want to be in the legal light.
2. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances? An idle attorney.
3. Why do lawyers always seem so calm? Because they have lots of appeals.
4. How does a lawyer say goodbye? I’ll be suing ya!
5. Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible before the trial? Looking for loopholes.
6. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
7. Why don’t lawyers play hide and seek? Good luck hiding when the truth is out.
8. How do you save a drowning lawyer? Take your foot off his head.
9. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one too.
10. What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention? The caterer.
11. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the courthouse on time.
12. What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.
13. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving.
14. Why did the lawyer keep checking his watch during the trial? Because time is money!
15. What’s the one thing that never works when it’s fixed? A jury.
16. Why did the lawyer name his daughter Sue? Because he thought she’d pick up the family business.
17. How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say “Fees!”
18. Why do lawyers wear neckties? To keep the foresight.
19. What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon? Another lawyer.
20. Why was the legal book so cold? It had too many drafts.
21. What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Just-ice water.
22. Why do lawyers always carry a pencil? To draw conclusions.

Order in the Court: Top Lawyer Puns to Share

1. Is it illegal to laugh in court? Only if the joke is a federal offense!
2. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants in court.
3. I told my lawyer he’s a terrible gardener. He responded, “Hey, I have a lot of clients acquitted!”
4. Why don’t lawyers trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
5. “Your honor, this verdict is a travesty.” “Don’t you mean ‘mistrial’?” “No, ‘mascara’—because it’s a complete makeup!”
6. Why did the judge break up with his gavel? He felt it was too striking.
7. Why do lawyers always carry around a knife? In case they need to cut a deal.
8. How does a lawyer say goodbye? “I’ll be suing ya!”
9. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed!
10. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances? Retired.
11. I was going to tell a time-traveling lawyer joke, but you didn’t like it.
12. How many lawyer jokes are there, anyway? Only three. The rest are true stories.
13. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one too.
14. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
15. Why did the vampire hire a lawyer? He needed help with his bloodsucking lawsuit!
16. What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention? The caterer.
17. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To sue the chicken for jaywalking!
18. How do you save a drowning lawyer? Take your foot off his head.
19. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
20. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer miles.
21. Why did the lawyer keep checking his watch? Because he felt his time was billable!
22. Why do sharks not attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
23. What’s the one thing that never works when it’s fixed? A jury.
24. How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say, “Fees!”
25. What do you throw a drowning lawyer? His partners.

Order in the Court: Top Lawyer Puns to Share

1. Why did the lawyer show up in court in his pajamas? Because justice never sleeps!
2. What’s a lawyer’s favorite foot movement? The legal shuffle.
3. How do you know if a lawyer is well-balanced? They have a chip on both shoulders.
4. Why don’t lawyers trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
5. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances? Retired.
6. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one too.
7. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
8. How are lawyers like rhinoceroses? They’re both thick-skinned and charge a lot.
9. Why was the lawyer a good drummer? He knew how to hit the billable hours.
10. What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention? The caterer.
11. How does a lawyer say goodbye? “I’ll be billing you.”
12. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To sue the chicken for crossing his property line.
13. What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Subpoena Colada.
14. Why are lawyers great in a crisis? They consider it a billing opportunity.
15. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.
16. How do you save a drowning lawyer? Take your foot off his head.
17. Why do sharks not attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
18. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar? The pronunciation.
19. Why did the scarecrow become a successful lawyer? He was outstanding in his field!
20. Why do lawyers always carry a pencil? In case they come across a loophole.

VI. Objection! How Lawyer Puns Appeal to Everyone

Who says law and laughter don’t mix? Here’s the evidence that they do:

1. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity laws. It’s impossible to put down!
2. Why did the lawyer show up in court with a pencil? To draw the line!
3. What’s a lawyer’s favorite clothing? Lawsuits!
4. Why don’t lawyers trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
5. How does a lawyer say goodbye? “I’ll be suing ya!”
6. Why was the legal book so cold? It had too many drafts!
7. What’s a lawyer’s favorite exercise? Firm walks!
8. Why do lawyers always carry a pen? To avoid drawing a blank!
9. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances? Retired.
10. Why did the lawyer become a baker? He wanted to make more dough!
11. What kind of floors do lawyers have? Just-ice tiles.
12. Why did the scarecrow become a successful lawyer? He was outstanding in his field!
13. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
14. Why do lawyers always carry a briefcase? To keep their briefs in order!
15. What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Subpoena colada.
16. Why didn’t the lawyer cross the road? There was no legal precedent.
17. What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits and legal ties.
18. What do you call a magical dog? A labracadabrador.
19. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one too.
20. Why do lawyers love to argue? Because they can’t resist a good trial!
21. What’s a lawyer’s least favorite kitchen utensil? Anything that cuts corners!
22. Why was the lawyer a good drummer? He had a perfect legal beat!
23. Why do lawyers always seem to be calm? They have a lot of appeals.

VII. Legal Briefs and Giggles: Mixing Law and Humor

1. Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to become a baker? He couldn’t make enough dough!
2. I told my lawyer a secret and now he’s my confidant-torney.
3. Why did the lawyer wear a jacket to court? Because it was a suit!
4. Justice isn’t blind, it just sometimes wears bifocals.
5. What’s a lawyer’s favorite clothing brand? Legal Jeans!
6. Why don’t lawyers trust atoms? They make up everything!
7. If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, does a lawsuit a day keep the lawyer at bay?
8. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity laws. It’s impossible to put down!
9. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
10. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To sue the chicken for jaywalking!
11. A lawyer’s favorite fish must be the legal bass!
12. If a lawyer can be disbarred, can they also be decaffeinated?
13. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one too.
14. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator!
15. Why do lawyers always carry a pencil? To draw up a quick contract!
16. Why did the lawyer keep his documents in the freezer? He wanted to preserve the evidence!
17. What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Subpoena Colada!
18. Why did the lawyer become a chef? He believed in just desserts!
19. I had a joke about a lawsuit, but it didn’t stand up in court.
20. Why do lawyers love elevators? Because they know all the ups and downs of the case!
21. What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association meeting? The caterer!
22. How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving!
23. Did you hear about the lawyer who invented a drink? It’s called Subpoena Colada.

From the Bench: Judges and Lawyers Share Their Best Puns

1. “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity laws. It’s impossible to put down!”
2. “Justice is a dish best served cold, because if it were warm, it would be justwater.”
3. “Why did the lawyer show up at work in a suit of armor? He had a strong defense!”
4. “You’re accused of refusing to rest on your laurels. How do you plead? Outstanding in my field!”
5. “I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.”
6. “What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances? An idle attorney.”
7. “Why was the lawyer skimming through the fashion magazine? He heard about the new ‘sue-dé’ trend.”
8. “Why don’t lawyers hide in the shadows? Because they always want to be seen in the right light.”
9. “What do you call a group of judgmental people? A criti-queue.”
10. “Why did the lawyer become a baker? Because he wanted to make more dough!”
11. “Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to write a novel? He couldn’t find the right appeal.”
12. “Why do lawyers always carry around a planner? To keep their motions in order!”
13. “Why was the lawyer always calm? Because he knew how to pass the bar!”
14. “What’s a lawyer’s favorite exercise? Firm walks!”
15. “Why did the judge break his gavel? He wanted to hammer his point home.”
16. “What do you call a lawyer with an electric guitar? A solo practitioner.”
17. “Why don’t law books make good sailors? They’re always stuck in dry dock.”
18. “I once dated a lawyer who was so bad at dancing, I called her ‘Justice Awkward’.”
19. “Why did the lawyer become a chef? Because he was great at grilling witnesses!”
20. “Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed!”

Why do lawyer puns last? Simple! They’re law-gh-out-loud funny & never out of order. They prove that wit wins & even in law, laughter’s legal. 🤣